Milk & Cookies (with the Lord of Evil)
by Anendda Rysden
Summary: Part 1 of the Lord of Evil series. He was Finn the Human, slayer of demons and monsters, last survivor of a race that'd nearly destroyed the world. He was also mighty chummy with Marceline. It was only a matter of time before Finn found out EXACTLY what Abadeer thought of that, and of him.


Finn opened his eyes. It was the middle of the night. The fire had burned down to a lump of embers and Marceline's living room was draped in heavy shadows, quiet except for the sound of Jake sawing logs like a full-time timber crew. Finn didn't think that was what had woken him up, as he was quite used to it by now. After a minute or so of fluffing his pillows and trying to get back to sleep, he sat up and pushed the blankets off, picking popcorn out of his pajamas. He put on a fresh log in the fireplace and jabbed at the coals till it caught, which was when he decided that if he was ever going to get back to sleep, he needed milk and cookies.

"If Jake left me any, that is," he whispered quietly to himself as he stood up. Picking his way through the gig equipment (seriously, who knew a guitar could be so dangerous?) and the piles of snack food littering the floor, Finn stopped to glance at Marceline. The vampire's eyes were shut and she was snoring softly, hovering about a foot off the couch. Lucky for her, since Finn knew from experience it was about as comfortable as a stone slab. The room was kinda chilly, though. He decided to cover Marcy up, just to make sure she wasn't cold. And if she sprang at him and popped his head like a grape… well, at least he'd die the gentleman.

Finn slowly pulled the throw off the back of the couch, freezing instantly when a stray pair of earphones bounced to the floor. _Globbit._ Marcy gave a sleepy twitch, but didn't wake up. A moment passed, then another. Finn let out the breath he was holding and carefully, oh so carefully draped the blanket over her, tucking the edge under the cushions so it would stay put. Comfortably tethered, the vampire queen snuggled closer to Hambo and Finn smiled. Going to sleep thumbing one's nose at gravity sounded totally awesome, but it left him wondering if Marceline ever floated away and woke up, say, in the bathroom or something the next morning. Asking her about it was definitely on his to-do list.

Patting himself on the back for a job well done, Finn crept past the couch, but he hadn't gone four steps before he planted his face against something solid. Understandably startled by whatever if was that had materialized in the doorway – and had no business being there, by the way – the young hero hurriedly glanced up at it. "It" turned out to be a seven-foot tall demon in a dark business suit, his face thrown into relief by the bit of firelight starting to fill the room, slatted pupils glaring down at Finn in a very "feel free to cower" kind of way.

Finn wasn't ashamed to admit that he sprang back at least a foot, clapping both hands over his mouth to muffle an involuntary yelp that would have brought the entire house to arms. For the next few seconds, the silence was absolutely deafening as the elder Abadeer continued to stare him down. Finn gulped his heart back into his chest and dropped his hands. No self-respecting hero could just continue standing there like that without kissing his dignity goodbye.

"Yo, man," said Finn, a little irritably. "What the Glob are you doing here?"

Abadeer's freaky eyes narrowed _._ Finn felt his stomach curl up even tighter than it already was. Sure, he was the hero and all, but Abadeer was… well, he was the Lord of Evil. And he obviously wasn't amused at being addressed as _Yo, Man_. Finn was just glad he hadn't popped off with something even dumber, suddenly overcome by the uncanny feeling that Abadeer had been lurking there for quite some time now. Which explained why he'd woken up, come to think of it. Having the King of Darkness and All Things Creepy eyeballing you from the kitchen doorway could do that to a person, but of course Finn didn't say that aloud.

"Seriously, what?" Finn asked in a whisper. "You here to swallow my soul or something?"

He realized too late that being flippant about it was probably not a smart idea (after all, soul-swallowing was a serious business) but Abadeer didn't move, continuing to appraise him in silence. Was the guy thinking of something to say, or just trying to decide how to kill him? Finn had his gold on the second option, but when the silence began to stretch a little too long, he decided that he wasn't just going to stand there waiting to find out.

"Okay, then" said Finn. "I'm getting some milk and cookies, sooooo…"

He nervously sidled past Abadeer, squeezing as close to the doorframe as he could get. The demon's eyes tracked him into the kitchen, glowing faintly in the darkness. It seemed to Finn that they magnified the glow of the fire, upping the dude's fear factor to at least a 10. Finn pointedly got the milk out of the fridge and poured himself a glass. A sliver of moonlight was making its way into the kitchen through the open drapes, illuminating most of the table. An antique from before the war, it was made of metal and that weird and wonderful material Princess Bubblegum called "plastic". Like most of Marceline's stuff, it exhibited signs of both carelessness and loving attention. Finn got a handful of cookies from the jar and sat down.

"You make a habit of staying the night here, human?"

Abadeer's voice was mellow and actually kind of pleasant, not at all like what you'd expect from him. Finn thought that if shadows could talk, they'd do it with Abadeer's voice. Or maybe Abadeer talked like shadows. He couldn't decide which was which. "Naw, not really," he answered, wondering where this was going. "We're all going dungeon diving tomorrow. Figured it'd be easier than coming back over later."

"Mmm." Abadeer made a noncommittal noise of agreement – or was that disapproval? Not taking his eyes off the guy, Finn tried to poke a cookie into his glass several times before finally realizing it was too big to fit. Mouth puckered in annoyance, he broke the cookie in half like he'd meant to do it all along. And no, he wasn't scared of Abadeer. More like super wary of him, mostly because of the soul-sucking and the inexplicable outbreak of nightmares that usually happened anytime he was on the mortal plane. Oh, and who could forget the mass panic. What _was_ he doing here, anyway? Finn really wasn't in the mood for a battle, no matter how epic it was likely to be.

"Cookie?" he offered, going with the next best thing that popped into his head.

Abadeer cocked his head at him, eyeing him with something combining both curiosity and amusement. "Eh, why not?" he said, shrugging. He lifted a hand, gave it a flick, and a chair instantly skated up to the table. Red cowboy boots tap, tap, tapping on the floor, Abadeer seated himself across from Finn, who was still trying to process what had just happened and didn't notice the cookie he was holding zip out of his hand. _Okay. This isn't so bad,_ he thought. _It's a lot worse!_

He didn't know Abadeer that well, but he was positive the Lord of Evil didn't just show up for milk and cookies. No, he was up to something. Something big. And most likely bad. His eyes skated past Abadeer's shoulder to where they'd left all of their adventure gear. In the moonlight Finn could just make out the green lump that was his backpack, right beside the glint of his sword. Globbit all. Why did it have to be so far away? Maybe if he ran really fast…

Shooting a deliberately casual glance at Abadeer, who was enjoying his cookie a lot more than Finn would have expected, the hero realized he wouldn't even make it halfway across the kitchen before Abadeer sucked him dry. _Okay. New plan..._ He put the soggy half-cookie in his mouth. _T_ _oss this milk in his face and make a break for it… while screaming really loud._

Yeah, that sounded stupid even inside his own head. _Real heroic, Finn,_ he reprimanded himself. _Hope the damsel comes and rescues_ _YOU_ _. From her dad. Who freaks you the heck out._ Finn stifled the urge to snort. Well, given the circumstances, he supposed it was understandable. He dipped the other half of his cookie, watching Abadeer magically pull several more from the jar.

"Huh. You want some milk, too?" Finn asked, curiosity once more overcoming his better judgment.

" _Mrumph,"_ said Abadeer.

"Uh… what?"

"I said, if you would," Abadeer clarified, swallowing.

 _This is so weird._ Finn grabbed another glass and filled it up, leaning across the table to put in front of Abadeer. "I didn't know you liked cookies this much, man," he said. "I kinda had you pegged as a Pixie-Guts-and-Bubblegum-ice-cream kind of guy."

Abadeer chuckled, which sounded a lot less creepy than Finn had imagined it would. "Good guess," he said, smirking at Finn over his milk. "But I do love Marceline's cookies." Abadeer popped another into his mouth, which suddenly seemed to have a lot more teeth than was strictly normal.

"Hmmm," Finn thoughtfully took a bite of his cookie. "You ever tell her that?"

Abadeer blinked at him. "What?"

"The cookies. You ever told Marcy you like them?"

"Er… well, I…" Abadeer rubbed the back of his neck, looking uncharacteristically sheepish. Silence fell across the table, before the demon's eyes suddenly narrowed at Finn. "Why do you care anyway?" he demanded.

Finn shrugged. "Just think she'd like to know, is all. You two seriously need to hang out or something."

Abadeer studied him for a moment, giving Finn the uncomfortable feeling of being sized up. He dipped his cookie and nervously swirled the milk around. "She acts like she don't, but she wants you around," he added, feeling like he should say something. "Not like her old man, but like a friend, ya know?"

Abadeer set his glass of milk down with a soft _chink_. "What's your relationship with my daughter, exactly?" he asked, his voice deceptively soft. Everything about it suddenly screamed red alert. Finn stopped swirling his cookie.

"Huh? What's that supposed to mean?"

"Do you like her?"

"Pfft! Well, yeah! What kind of question is that?" Finn exclaimed, annoyed. Abadeer's eyes narrowed to gleaming slits, doing a very believable impression of blazing coals. Finn frowned, not understanding why the demon looked so miffed. "What's your problem?" he asked.

"So you admit to having feelings for her, then?" Abadeer demanded.

"Yes! I mean… Wait… oh, Glob, you meant… No, man! No!" Finn exclaimed, waving his arms and blushing all the way to the roots of his hair. "I don't like her _that_ way! I–I mean, I still like her, but I…" Finn knew his face was somewhere close to glowing. He stared helplessly at Abadeer, who was observing him with something akin to bemusement. It ticked Finn off just a little. Globbit, he was making a fool of himself. He sat back down in a huff, making his chair creak.

"Look, man," he began again, feeling the sudden need to explain. Why was it so freakin' hot it here all of a sudden? He raked his golden hair out of his eyes. "Marcy's one of my best buds. She's funny and awesome, and I like hanging out with her. So, ya know… get off my back, okay?"

Finn exhaled hotly and looked away, staring down into his glass of milk. Somewhere at the bottom, his cookie had gone to a sodden grave. Finn peevishly swirled it around, his cheeks burning. He glanced back at Abadeer, half-expecting the guy to leap across the table at him, but the demon was gazing at him thoughtfully, tapping his well-manicured fingers on the table. Suddenly he took a long drink of milk and stood up, pushing his chair back with a scrape.

"Come with me, Finn," he said quietly.

"Wait, what? Where are we going?" Finn asked, surprised.

"It won't take long. I want to show you something," said Abadeer.

Sitting in the dark kitchen, Finn totally had to question the wisdom of following the Lord to Evil to Glob-only-knew-where (in the middle of the night and without backup no less!) since he doubted Abadeer meant for him to bring Jake along. Finn felt a twinge of something he thought was called "self-preservation", but there was no way he could deny his adventuring instinct, especially not on top of an overpowering curiosity to find out what Abadeer wanted him to see. _If he wanted to off me, he could do it right here. Easy as pie,_ Finn reasoned, trying to be logical about it.

"…Can I get dressed first?" he asked slowly.

"Of course," said Abadeer.

Finn got to his feet and slowly crab-walked across the kitchen, not really wanting to turn his back on Abadeer, but quite frankly he needn't have bothered, since the demon appeared more interested in awkwardly thumbing through the battered book of guitar tabs Marceline had left on the counter. Finn darted into the living room and dressed hurriedly in the semi-darkness, wondering all the while if he shouldn't "accidentally" knock something over and wake everybody up. It was pretty dark in here. It would be understandable if he stepped on Jake's foot. _Not cool, Finn. Not cool at all._

Slinging on his backpack, Finn checked to make sure his sword was properly secured before heading back into the kitchen. "Ready," he whispered. "We going out the front door, or…"

"Hmmm? Oh, yes, of course." Abadeer bemusedly set the folder back on the counter and walked over to the blank wall towards the back of the kitchen. Plucking a piece of red chalk from his breast pocket, Abadeer drew a cryptic sigil on the paint with an accuracy that spoke of long experience. Finn mentally categorized the unfamiliar symbol for later reference, watching Abadeer as he murmured an incantation over the drawing. With a violent gust of air, the sigil abruptly caught fire and burned outwards to leave a smoking doorway, and beyond that a swirling vortex of darkness.

"After you," said Abadeer.

Finn glared suspiciously at the portal. It could lead to anywhere: a creepy dungeon, a pit of lava, the belly of some disgusting Nightosphere beast. _Just go with it, man. Off you right here, remember? You know, with some freaky demon gunk that'll turn your brains to mush… or turn your eyeballs inside out. Going through some portal's no big deal._ Hiking up his backpack, Finn determinedly strode into the doorway without looking back. He was aware of a sharp forward tug and the sensation of rushing through an empty void, trails of fire dancing along his skin.

And suddenly he was stepping out into the middle of a strange hallway. The first thing he noticed was the heat. The air was molten and fiery, but not unbearably so. It actually felt kind of good. The second thing he noticed was the light. It was pleasantly dark for the most part, lit by candles in elaborate iron holders. Here and there around the windows – all of which were covered by heavy drapes – light seeped in like burning blood. Finn peered around curiously. Unless Abadeer had built his vacation home in the middle of a volcano, they were probably somewhere in the Nightosphere.

With a rush of air, Abadeer stepped out of the portal. The doorway instantly sealed behind him, leaving behind a blank wall. He gave Finn another of his appraising glances, then turned and headed down the hallway. Finn followed without saying anything. Abadeer led them swiftly through a series of corridors before stopping at a very dark, ominous-looking descending staircase. Finn glared at it, wondering when the teeth were going to appear and snap him up, but when Abadeer picked up an ornate candelabrum and descended, he decided that if there really was a monster waiting in there, then in theory the Lord of Evil wasn't going to stroll down its gullet, too.

Finn followed the bobbing light down into the darkness, the back of Abadeer's head and shoulders thrown into stark profile against the candles. A cool breeze rushed up from the bottom of the stairs and Finn caught the distinct aroma of sulfur (not all that unpleasant, come to think of it) and the dark, musky scent of whatever expensive man-perfume Abadeer wore. It reminded Finn of crushed roses, suede… and blood. _Don't think about it, man. Just don't._

Eventually the stairway opened into a large chamber made of lustrous black stone, the walls reflecting splotches of candlelight where they peeked out from behind thick velvet drapes. Obsidian, then? Or maybe onyx. Finn couldn't remember which of the two came from volcanoes. Abadeer stopped by the far wall. He didn't beckon to Finn, at least not that the hero could see, but instead wordlessly held the candelabra up.

The painting was as high as the ceiling and at least half as wide. A heavy curtain covered most of it, but Finn could see more than enough. The painter had rendered a woman with incredible detail, capturing every soft gleam, every wave of her short, black hair. She was wearing a soft-looking red sweater, the wide collar pushed casually off one shoulder to peek at the garment she wore to hold up her lady-parts. Her deep blue eyes seemed to be watching Finn and he shivered, her arms breaking out in gooseflesh despite the heat. _Whoa, spooky._

"Her name was Christine," said Abadeer softly. "My wife."

"She's really pretty," Finn offered, uncertain what Abadeer was getting at. "Just like Ma–" _Globbit._ He stopped, realizing the trap he'd just walked into. Heat crept into his cheeks as Abadeer turned his head to look at him. "Well, she is," Finn huffed indignantly. _Seriously, dude, you asked!_

Instead of eviscerating him on the spot, however, Abadeer just smiled. It struck Finn as very sad. "Yes, she was," the demon said quietly, raising his hand. Drawn by some invisible magic, the curtain drew aside to expose the rest of the painting. Painting-Abadeer looked just like the real one, his sinister features softened by a loving smile. One arm was around the woman's shoulders, the other cradling a little baby girl. Marceline. Finn let his eyes travel over the painting, soaking in every detail.

"You do this yourself?" he asked.

"Centuries ago, yes," said Abadeer.

 _Huh. Never would've pegged him for the artistic type._ The painting really was awesome, though. Finn was impressed. He gazed quietly at it for another minute or so, a bad thought forming in the back of his head. He'd never really thought of it before, but he'd never met Marceline's mom. Ever. The fact that Marcy never talked about her before hadn't bothered him until now – after all, she hadn't talked about Abadeer much, either.

"She died, didn't she?" Finn ventured softly, bracing himself for the fireball.

"She was murdered," said Abadeer sharply. His eyes gleamed at Finn in the candlelight, the pupils contracting to narrow slits. Finn held up his hands. "Whoa, man, whoa! It was just a question, okay?"

Abadeer's gaze softened. "Yes. Yes, you're quite right. Forgive me, human. It is… difficult to talk about, even after all this time," said Abadeer, the hellish tint in his eyes fading slightly.

Finn frowned at the Lord of Evil, again sensing that deep, peculiar note of sadness in his voice. It freaked him out to be perfectly honest, because he couldn't imagine Abadeer being sad about anything. But then again, Finn reminded himself, the guy wasn't nearly as nasty as he tried to pretend. Just like Marcy.

Finn lowered his hands. "You, uh… you want to talk about it?"

Abadeer stared at him incredulously.

"Unless of course you don't want to, in which case I totally understand!" said Finn hastily. "I just thought, uh, that you might wanna get it off your chest. I mean, you must've brought me down here for something other than your artwork – which is totally, awesome, by the way!" _Please, don't turn my brain into mush. Please, don't turn my brain into mush._

To his surprise, Abadeer chuckled softly. It was a weird sound, both creepy and pleasant at the same time. "You are remarkably perceptive," the demon observed. "One day it will undoubtedly get you killed."

"Heh, but not today, right?" asked Finn nervously.

"We'll see," said Abadeer, which did nothing to make Finn feel better. The Lord of Evil glanced back at the painting, his gaze dark and thoughtful. A gleam of silver light suddenly entered the chamber and Finn glanced up, realizing that the scudding clouds had revealed the moon through a natural skylight in the roof. Huh. He didn't know the Nightosphere had a moon – or day and night, for that matter.

"Have you heard of the Mushroom War, Finn the Human?" Abadeer asked suddenly.

Finn dropped his gaze back to earth. "Everybody has," he answered. "That's the war that nearly wrecked the whole world. PB says that everything's still really messed up because of this thing called a "tilted orbit", or whatevs."

Abadeer nodded. "Centuries ago – a thousand years, to be precise – there were men known as scientists. They were insatiable in their curiosity. They wanted to known everything: how things ticked, how the world worked, how even the tiniest universes whirled under their microscopic devices. One day, they discovered atoms."

"Those are the really, really little particles that make up your bod, right?"

"And everything else in this world, living and nonliving, animate and inanimate," said Abadeer. _"Everything._ Sothe scientists continued to poke and prod, and soon enough they learned what they thought was the ultimate secret. They learned how to split atoms in half."

Finn didn't know why, but the hairs on the back of his neck stood up. "That doesn't sound like a good thing," he hedged, sensing that they were approaching the bad part of the story. "I mean, if atoms were meant to be split, they'd be split already, right? You can't just go and divide up the stuff that makes up the universe!"

"They didn't care. And when the first atoms were split, they bridged a gap between the worlds. Magic began to spill into this material plane, bleeding through hundreds of invisible wounds. Eventually, the Nightosphere was affected, too, and I was drawn into this world."

"Did it hurt?" Finn asked curiously.

"It did me no favors," Abadeer admitted. "At the time, your world held precious little magic, a sluggish trickle when I was accustomed to a raging torrent. In far too short a time I found my powers drained, my strength sapping away, and I realized that I… might have... possibly miscalculated."

"Heh. Why don't you just say you made a mistake, dude? It's no big deal," said Finn.

Abadeer flashed him an annoyed look. "I do not make mistakes, human," he sniped. "And even if I had – which I didn't! – I would hardly call it a mistake. After all, that was how my Christine found me." He smiled fondly, gazing at the painting.

"Our relationship didn't start out easy. I thought of her as weak and full of stupid human things like hope and compassion. I tried to frighten her, but she was never fooled, not even when I revealed my true form. She told me I had a good heart." Abadeer laughed. "When I told her I didn't have one, she insisted she could feel it anyway. And I… I grew to love her."

"Sure sounds like it," said Finn, smiling. Call him crazy – and Jake often did – but he couldn't help liking Abadeer, so he could understand what his wife liked about him, too. The Lord of Not-Really-Evil reminded him of Marcy, and not just for their similar taste in boots. "So you guys got married and made Marcy then, right?"

"We did," said Abadeer. "It was perfection for a while. Christine was never afraid at having a demon for a husband, or a half-demoness for a child. She was special that way. She saw people for who they really were, and still accepted them without question… just like you."

Finn frowned, puzzled by the odd statement. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Abadeer leveled his strange, piercing stare at him, almost frightening in its intensity. "I have heard of your exploits," he said by way of explanation. "Most people – the sane ones anyway – would have chased Petrikov into the furthest reaches of the wastes. He is as deranged as he is dangerous. Very, very dangerous."

"He's not deranged," said Finn hotly. "He's just lonely and confused, and he's only dangerous if you rile him up. He's not a bad person once you get to know him, and he's been through some really bad stuff! So cut the guy a little slack, will ya?"

Abadeer's smiled as if he was enjoying his own private joke. "As I said, just like Christine," he said softly, more to himself than Finn. The hero frowned slightly, wondering if that was a compliment or if he was being made fun of. Either way, he was kind of miffed – especially at Abadeer for dissing the Ice King.

"You gonna get to the point anytime soon?" Finn asked, wondering what the penalty was for sassing the Lord of the Nightosphere, his Royal Highness of Occasional Jerkdom.

"I was just getting there, you impatient little fleshbag," said Abadeer, but there was no real menace in his voice. "Now as I was saying, during the short few years we were married, the scientists continued in their ruthless pursuit of knowledge. For a while, they wanted what all humans wanted: heat and light, and food for everyone – insipid goals, in my opinion – but it wasn't enough. It was never enough. And as they say, the road to the Nightosphere is paved with good intentions." Abadeer chuckled bitterly. Finn cocked his head at him, wondering what the guy was thinking.

"When atoms split, they release energy. _Terrible_ energy," said Abadeer. "Enough to destroy the lands of Ooo a thousand times over. Soon the scientists began to bicker, and their thoughts turned to war."

"Well, that kind of sucks," said Finn, deciding that he didn't like Abadeer's story any more, mostly because he didn't like the idea that scientists could be anything but the good guys. "War ain't never a good thing."

"It can be," Abadeer corrected. "Typically I enjoy war. It always makes for a busy season, but this revolting _squabble_ was more than even I, the Lord of Evil, could stomach. Imagine great clouds of fire and blinding heat laying waste to everything, melting that disgustingly cheerful little place you call the Candy Kingdom into nothing but hot, bubbling goo…"

Finn grimaced. "I'd rather not, man. Cut it out," he said.

"The initial explosions killed thousands," said Abadeer. "Now imagine everyone else dying from something they couldn't see, something invisible that sucked the life out of them day after day…"

"I said cut it out!" said Finn loudly. "Seriously, dude, are you just trying to freak me out or are you gonna tell me what happened to your wi– Oh." The words spilling out of him ground to a terrified halt. "Oh, Glob. You mean…"

"Yes, human. I mean," said Abadeer, glaring at him. "My wife was human, and I loved her with all of my rotten soul, but she was also murdered by her own foolish kind."

"But Marcy–"

"Marceline survived the fallout because of her demon blood, but only because her mother perished after sealing her away in a vault that protected her from the worst the of the destruction. And I, once again trapped in the Nightosphere, could do nothing. I watched the bombs falls and could do nothing. All because of _humans and their meddling._ " Abadeer hissed the words like poison, his lip curling back to reveal gleaming ivory fangs. Suddenly the moonlight disappeared behind the riding clouds. Finn gulped, feeling his belly twist. Okay, maybe now he was a little afraid.

"I want to hate you," Abadeer growled. "You, the last of your miserable kind! Every time I see you with my daughter I want to kill you. I want–" suddenly the demon vanished and reappeared inches from Finn's face, towering over him in the darkness. "–TO PEEL THE FLESH FROM YOUR WRETCHED BONES!"

For one wild second, Finn was sure Abadeer was going to kill him. His pupils had gone completely vertical now, eyes glowing like pools of acid. Suddenly he was too strong, too powerful, and too dang close. By all rights, Finn should've drawn his sword and driven it through the demon's gut – but he didn't, even though his poor knees were knocking and his heart threatened to hammer its way out of his chest. Instead he fixed his large blue eyes on Abadeer's face.

"Dude, I can't believe you haven't," he mumbled, surprised by how angry and miserable the knowledge made him feel. "I'm sorry, man. I really am. I'll stop hanging out with Marcy, I promise. I never wanted to hurt her – or you."

Abadeer's murderous expression faded. A strange croak rose in his throat, the glow of his eyes dying to mere embers. "Stupid human, don't you think I know that?" he asked, his voice thin and raw, and nearly broken. "It's the only reason why you still live."

Finn blinked owlishly, stunned. "I don't get it. I thought…"

Abadeer's hand settled on Finn's shoulder. "You thought I was trying to keep you away from Marceline? What father wouldn't? But I just… I just wanted to…" Abadeer trailed off, struggling to find the right words.

"You just wanted me to understand how important Marcy is to you," said Finn softly, understanding.

The demon's slender hand tightened. "You are a good person, Finn the Human," said Abadeer awkwardly. "And while I normally don't approve of good people, there are a few whom I make an exception. For now at least."

Finn smiled, and then quickly sobered up again "Marcy's my friend," he admitted. "And I… and I care about her. A lot. I would never, _ever_ let anything bad happen to her, I promise. I'd die first."

"Oh, you're right about that," said Abadeer, far too lightly for a guy with more teeth in his head than a shark – and leering like one to prove it. "Because if you ever do, I will knit your intestines into a sweater and make sure you live through the process long enough to see me wearing it."

Finn snorted, feeling some of the tension evaporate. Over Abadeer's shoulder, he could see the candelabra the demon had been holding floating in midair exactly where he'd left it. Finn gave it a bemused look. It was actually pretty funny, having the Lord of Evil threaten to turn you into fashionable winter-wear and still being able to wonder how the donk he was doing that. And it wasn't the good kind of funny, either. More like seriously messed-up-in-the-head kind of funny.

"Is that a threat, old man?" he asked, grinning.

"Interpret it however you wish," said Abadeer. "But, yes. It is a threat."

"Pfft. It isn't a very good one."

"Oh, really? What if I use your miserable hide to make myself a pair of slippers to match?"

Finn laughed, and for a minute the pair stood in silence that was surprising less awkward than Finn would've imagined. After a minute, however, Abadeer cleared his throat and gestured magically at the far wall where a fiery portal opened like an evil, swirling drain. _Probably leads to his evil sewer,_ thought Finn, eyeing it. That was one thing he never liked about portals. You never could be sure exactly they were going to lead.

"You should be going," said Abadeer, sounding weirdly reluctant about it.

"Yeah. Yeah, uh… good talk, man. Good talk."

Finn hitched up the straps of his backpack and approached the portal, pausing just before stepping over the threshold. He glanced back, taking one more look at the painting on the wall before turning his attention back to Abadeer. "You should stop by for cookies again," he said suddenly, as if he were making a proclamation. "You know, when you get a minute in between sucking souls and terrorizing peeps."

Abadeer smiled his unnervingly shark-like smile, and Finn jogged into the portal without another word – only to tumble out the other side with a startled yip as he toppled headfirst into the freezing-cold (and disgustingly slimy) moat that surrounded Marceline's house. "Arghh! Jerk!" he yelled, righting himself in the deep water. "Not cool!"

He caught a snatch of Abadeer's smug laughter just before the portal snapped shut.

* * *

 **As if it wasn't abundantly obvious what I was watching when this popped into my head, yes, it was _Hotel Transylvania_.**


End file.
